Welcome to Day 9 of our #GodlyAdventure!
Have you ever lost a relationship due to the hurt one of you caused? I have, and I’ve learned if I want to see reconciliation, I need to do it the walking-with-God-way. If not, I’ll be doing it the walking-by-myself-way—alone.
Various factors can cause a relationship to be strained or split, but hurt is a common theme whether it’s my broken heart, the other person’s pain, or both of our hearts in turmoil.
Often the hurt is the invisible wall that is keeping the reconciliation from transpiring. I need to apply biblical wisdom and know how to be healed from the hurt.
There are probably some circumstances where reuniting isn’t wise—and I’ll leave you to the Holy Spirit’s leading for that—but our heart still needs to be in the right place with God.
Reconciliation in My Life
Did you know that my husband and I had a 10-year history before we got married? He showed up on my doorstep when I was 14 to see my brother, and I was lovelocked. I won him over by the time I was 15 because he was talking marriage.
When we were older, we had on-again, off-again relationship. We seemed to argue as much as we got along, and as a result, there was a lot of heartache.
Finally, I’d had enough of the pain. I didn’t know how to be healed from hurt at that point. So I broke it off for good. Several people said we’d been planning to get married for so long that this final breakup reminded them of others who had gone through a divorce.
It was a confusing time. All I knew, is that I was hurt.
But I allowed God to work in my heart in other areas, and eventually I allowed Him to address the broken relationship I had with Justin.
After a long period of being teachable, I asked my mom to invite him to the house. My keyboard was set up, and despite his utter bewilderment, we convinced him to sit down, no questions asked.
Then through tears, I sang a song I wrote him called Reconciled. Here are some of the lyrics:
What I did to you was wrong and you broke my heart in pieces.
We can’t keep going on when our bitter hurt increases.
Let’s take the walls, and tear them down.
Let’s start again, and break fresh ground.
It wasn’t long after that day of reconciliation that we were back together and married six months later!Have you ever lost a relationship due to the hurt one of you caused? To see reconciliation, it needs to be done the walking-with-God-way.
Reconciliation in the Bible
Remember those twins Jacob and Esau from the Old Testament? If you’ve ever read about them, you know there was a lot of drama going on between them.
After studying their story, I realized an important part of what needs to happen for reconciliation to take place. Look at this quick breakdown:
Jacob’s Timeline by Chapter in Genesis
- 25 – Jacob wickedly secures Esau’s birthright
- 27 – Jacob steals Esau’s blessing; flees to Haran to escape Esau’s plot to kill him
- 28 – Jacob has a dream in which God speaks to him; many see this as the point where he turns to God
- 31 – God tells Jacob to return to his father’s land
- 32 – Jacob sends gifts to Esau ahead of meeting him; *Jacob wrestles with God (Genesis 32:22-32)
* The events at the ford Jabbok represent a climactic point in Jacob’s spiritual growth. He proved that he could persevere and overcome without cheating. He saw that his own strength was futile and he humble sought help from God. From his salvation at Bethel (Genesis 28:10-22) to this point, Jacob had undergone tremendous spiritual growth. He was a different man that the one who had supplanted his brother through deceit. Therefore, God gave to him an new name, Israel… [The Hebrew-Greek Key Word Study Bible]
Did you notice the part about spiritual growth? That’s significant, and God thought so, too:
Then he said, “Your name shall no longer be called Jacob, but Israel, for you have striven with God and with men, and have prevailed.” Genesis 32:28 ESV
Jacob = supplanter (to take the place of (another), as through force, scheming, strategy, or the like. dictionary.com)
Israel = God prevails
That spiritual growth revealed to others through this name change gave him a new reputation.
- 33 – Jacob meets Esau
But Esau ran to meet him and embraced him and fell on his neck and kissed him, and they wept. Genesis 33:4 ESV
Spiritual growth was evident in Esau’s life as well. His heart changed from hating Jacob (27:41) to running to meet him. They both wept.
I cried too after rereading their story the other day, because when God is given free reign in the yielded heart, love flourishes.When God is given free reign in the yielded heart, love flourishes.
Walking with God Toward Brave Reconciliation
What’s that second command again? Oh, right, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” After making sure your heart is right toward God, the very next thought needs to be:
Is my heart right towards others?
If not, then the next step needs to be walking with God toward brave reconciliation.
So how do you reconcile?
- Pray for God to prepare that person’s heart
- Examine how you may have hurt the other person
- Ask God if there is anything else that you can do to move toward reconciliation
- Apologize (see how not to ruin it)
- Prepare your heart for the possibility of a delayed reunion
- Voice your desire for reconciliation
- Continue to walk in love until you see the fruition of it
Sometimes even when the other person desires to reunite, it takes time for things to be “back to normal.” Be patient. Continue to love instead of allowing the Accuser of the Brethren to get a foothold.
God might reveal that it’s wiser to forgive and be friendly, but not as close (e.g. that person is a biblical fool). But be careful here, because there is a difference between using wisdom and drawing the line on love.
Seeking to reconcile with someone isn’t easy, but you’ll get your relationship back!
Is there a relationship you need to walk with God towards brave reconciliation? Would you drop me a comment below so I can be praying for it?Find out an important part of what needs to happen for reconciliation to take place.
I am covering for Angel Penn for Day 9 due to unforeseen circumstances, but she’s still giving away a Dayspring journal. Enter below!
Did you enter the giveaway yet?
- Week 2 – Walking with God Through My Mistakes of Hurting Others Giveaway: one winner of Battle Ready: Train Your Mind to Conquer Challenges, Defeat Doubt, and Live Victoriously book by Kelly Balarie AND Sheila Walsh’s new book It’s Okay Not to be Okay; one winner of Part One of the Find Your Calling Study & 50% off the entire study and one copy of 31 Specific Prayers for Your Marriage eBook; one winner of a Watercolor Flowers Christian Journal and a copy of Worthy: Believe Who God Says You Are eBook.
- Week 2 – Special Blogger Giveaway: one winner receives 1 month free to Easy Blogging Tools.