Walking with God Through Brave Reconciliation

Welcome to Day 9 of our #GodlyAdventure!

Have you ever lost a relationship due to the hurt one of you caused? I have, and I’ve learned if I want to see reconciliation, I need to do it the walking-with-God-way. If not, I’ll be doing it the walking-by-myself-way—alone.

Various factors can cause a relationship to be strained or split, but hurt is a common theme whether it’s my broken heart, the other person’s pain, or both of our hearts in turmoil.

Often the hurt is the invisible wall that is keeping the reconciliation from transpiring. I need to apply biblical wisdom and know how to be healed from the hurt.

There are probably some circumstances where reuniting isn’t wise—and I’ll leave you to the Holy Spirit’s leading for that—but our heart still needs to be in the right place with God.

Reconciliation in My Life

Did you know that my husband and I had a 10-year history before we got married? He showed up on my doorstep when I was 14 to see my brother, and I was lovelocked. I won him over by the time I was 15 because he was talking marriage.

When we were older, we had on-again, off-again relationship. We seemed to argue as much as we got along, and as a result, there was a lot of heartache.

Finally, I’d had enough of the pain. I didn’t know how to be healed from hurt at that point. So I broke it off for good. Several people said we’d been planning to get married for so long that this final breakup reminded them of others who had gone through a divorce.

It was a confusing time. All I knew, is that I was hurt.

But I allowed God to work in my heart in other areas, and eventually I allowed Him to address the broken relationship I had with Justin.

After a long period of being teachable, I asked my mom to invite him to the house. My keyboard was set up, and despite his utter bewilderment, we convinced him to sit down, no questions asked.

Then through tears, I sang a song I wrote him called Reconciled. Here are some of the lyrics:

What I did to you was wrong and you broke my heart in pieces.

We can’t keep going on when our bitter hurt increases.

Let’s take the walls, and tear them down.

Let’s start again, and break fresh ground.

It wasn’t long after that day of reconciliation that we were back together and married six months later!

Have you ever lost a relationship due to the hurt one of you caused? To see reconciliation, it needs to be done the walking-with-God-way. Click to Tweet

Have you ever lost a relationship due to the hurt one of you caused? To see reconciliation, it needs to be done the walking-with-God-way.

Reconciliation in the Bible

Remember those twins Jacob and Esau from the Old Testament? If you’ve ever read about them, you know there was a lot of drama going on between them.

After studying their story, I realized an important part of what needs to happen for reconciliation to take place. Look at this quick breakdown:

Jacob’s Timeline by Chapter in Genesis

  • 25 – Jacob wickedly secures Esau’s birthright
  • 27 – Jacob steals Esau’s blessing; flees to Haran to escape Esau’s plot to kill him
  • 28 – Jacob has a dream in which God speaks to him; many see this as the point where he turns to God
  • 31 – God tells Jacob to return to his father’s land
  • 32 – Jacob sends gifts to Esau ahead of meeting him; *Jacob wrestles with God (Genesis 32:22-32)

* The events at the ford Jabbok represent a climactic point in Jacob’s spiritual growth. He proved that he could persevere and overcome without cheating. He saw that his own strength was futile and he humble sought help from God. From his salvation at Bethel (Genesis 28:10-22) to this point, Jacob had undergone tremendous spiritual growth. He was a different man that the one who had supplanted his brother through deceit. Therefore, God gave to him an new name, Israel… [The Hebrew-Greek Key Word Study Bible]

Did you notice the part about spiritual growth? That’s significant, and God thought so, too:

Then he said, “Your name shall no longer be called Jacob, but Israel, for you have striven with God and with men, and have prevailed.” Genesis 32:28 ESV

Jacob = supplanter (to take the place of (another), as through force, scheming, strategy, or the like. dictionary.com)

Israel = God prevails

That spiritual growth revealed to others through this name change gave him a new reputation.

  • 33 – Jacob meets Esau

But Esau ran to meet him and embraced him and fell on his neck and kissed him, and they wept. Genesis 33:4 ESV

Spiritual growth was evident in Esau’s life as well. His heart changed from hating Jacob (27:41) to running to meet him. They both wept.

I cried too after rereading their story the other day, because when God is given free reign in the yielded heart, love flourishes.

When God is given free reign in the yielded heart, love flourishes. Click to Tweet

Walking with God Toward Brave Reconciliation

What’s that second command again? Oh, right, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” After making sure your heart is right toward God, the very next thought needs to be:

Is my heart right towards others?

If not, then the next step needs to be walking with God toward brave reconciliation.

So how do you reconcile?

  1. Pray for God to prepare that person’s heart
  2. Forgive
  3. Examine how you may have hurt the other person
  4. Ask God if there is anything else that you can do to move toward reconciliation
  5. Apologize (see how not to ruin it)
  6. Prepare your heart for the possibility of a delayed reunion
  7. Voice your desire for reconciliation
  8. Continue to walk in love until you see the fruition of it

Sometimes even when the other person desires to reunite, it takes time for things to be “back to normal.” Be patient. Continue to love instead of allowing the Accuser of the Brethren to get a foothold.

God might reveal that it’s wiser to forgive and be friendly, but not as close (e.g. that person is a biblical fool). But be careful here, because there is a difference between using wisdom and drawing the line on love.

Seeking to reconcile with someone isn’t easy, but you’ll get your relationship back!

Is there a relationship you need to walk with God towards brave reconciliation? Would you drop me a comment below so I can be praying for it?

Find out an important part of what needs to happen for reconciliation to take place. Click to Tweet

I am covering for Angel Penn for Day 9 due to unforeseen circumstances, but she’s still giving away a Dayspring journal. Enter below!

Did you enter the giveaway yet?

  • Week 2 – Walking with God Through My Mistakes of Hurting Others Giveaway: one winner of Battle Ready: Train Your Mind to Conquer Challenges, Defeat Doubt, and Live Victoriously book by Kelly Balarie AND Sheila Walsh’s new book It’s Okay Not to be Okay; one winner of Part One of the Find Your Calling Study & 50% off the entire study and one copy of 31 Specific Prayers for Your Marriage eBook; one winner of a Watercolor Flowers Christian Journal and a copy of Worthy: Believe Who God Says You Are eBook.

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23 Comments

  1. Kelly, this is such an honest to goodness sweet story of mercy and the power of love.
    I will try not turn this into a novel.

    Love you friend and thank you for sharing this.
    Our generation needs more of this kind of (testimony) story; where the hard parts of relationships meet grace.

    1. kellyrbaker says:

      It was a profound turning point in my life. My prayer is that it will help others reconcile. There’s a beautiful joy that replaces that heartache. We need more of that!

  2. What beautiful song lyrics! I love to hear stories how God reconciles and restores!!

    1. kellyrbaker says:

      Thank you so much! I love to hear stories of how God moves in hearts, too. They’re so encouraging, aren’t they? Thanks for reading and have a great weekend.

  3. Kathleen Hufstetler says:

    I need to be fully reconciled to my son. While we live together and almost always get along…I hurt him deeply as a child when I was a practicing alcoholic.

    1. kellyrbaker says:

      God is able, Kathleen! Praying for you both!

  4. Kelly, this is such a powerful testimony! What I see from your story is that your relationship came through the first two stages of teamwork: Forming and Storming. You were way ahead of many. You made it to the Norming and Performing stages quickly. I’ve been wondering how you’ve done what you’ve done at such a young age. Now I know and I praise God for what He is doing through your life.

    1. kellyrbaker says:

      Well, I’m probably older than you think, but thanks. 😉 Praising Him for His goodness!

  5. Please pray for reconciliation of my marriage.

    1. kellyrbaker says:

      I know God is willing and able, Allison! I am praying for your marriage!

  6. Kelly, I really appreciate your post and particularly your comment that forgiveness and reconciliation requires the Spirit working in us and doing it God’s way. As you write, one major part is making an honest assessment of our contribution to the tension or conflict, and then confessing and owning those parts. Thiese are the parts of the conflict that we have the power to do something about to change. It is so easy to get stuck in pointing responsibility at the other person rather than look inward and letting the Spirit work on our hearts and minds. But we cannot gaurantee change in another nor that they will embrace reconciliation. So we need to focus on and start with ourselves. I agree too that prayer is critical and needs to be on-going. It seems to me that we often pray for something a few times and then move on to the next thing. Yet, some situations, such as estrangement and conflicts or unforgiving hearts, may need daily prayer for years. Thanks for your post Kelly!

  7. 3 weeks away from a reconciliation meeting and I’m terrified! My very best friend, my soul sister!

    Your song spoke so much truth! I’d love to hear it all

    1. kellyrbaker says:

      Praying for your upcoming meeting and thanks so much for your kind words. 🙂

  8. Please be praying for me as I seek to reconcile a best friendship! I pray that God guides my steps and I surrender my fears, anxieties and worries to Him and His plan! Also please pray for my friend M.

    1. kellyrbaker says:

      I’m so glad you found my post, Cass! I’m praying for that reconciliation, for you, and also for your friend M.

  9. I really hurt my best friend almost two years ago now. She and I were super close, but I became very selfish for a time and made our friendship very unhealthy. It was a very confusing time and we got in a huge argument over all of it and “broke up” in a sense. We haven’t talked in over a year now and I don’t feel like we could ever be reconciled. Reading this is really softening my heart, but I am terrified of rejection. I want to make up but I don’t know how to. Please be praying that the Lord would give me wisdom.

    1. kellyrbaker says:

      I’m sorry to hear about your relationship with your best friend, and I am praying! I believe God will show you what to do, how to say it, and the courage to follow through.

  10. Seeking prayers for my marriage to be reconciled. My husband of 10 years, together 15 left the end of March for another woman. We have 3 children and 1 more suprise baby on the way. My husband is getting ready to move across the state to live with this woman he has known since February and her 5 children. Leaving me and our children abandoned. I have been continuously standing for my marriage in prayer knowing with God all things are possible and he is the only one who can bring my husband home. God and my faith he will save my marriage are the only things keeping me from being a puddle on the floor. Please pray for God to change my husband Jakes heart, to remove the other woman and to bring him home to his family.

    1. Tylea, I’m saddened to read your story. Be assured God is working. I’m praying that God will soften your husband’s heart and bring conviction on that relationship. Praying for reconciliation. Don’t give up. Sometimes it can take a very long time, but God never stops working.

  11. Please pray for Steven and I (ex-husband) to reconcile as parents and whatever else the Lords wants.

  12. Thank you for sharing your story.

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