Moms have you ever wondered if you are qualified to do the job of being a mother?
I have, too. And I have four kids.
Being pregnant for the fourth time didn’t change anything. Doubts added to the weight I already carried around. Reclining on my left side, I wondered:
Can I do this again?
What if she grows up to hate me?
Do I know how to train her to be discreet?
Will we make it to the hospital on time?
Am I going to die? I mean, I feel like I’m dying now.
What I really wondered is:
Am I qualified to have another kid? Does God really trust me with this?
Qualified or Not, Labor Comes
With each of my three prior deliveries, I had precipitous labor. That’s the technical term for a labor under three hours. That’s Domino’s-Pizza-delivery fast.
It’s a blessing and a curse. A blessing because your labor is short and a curse because subsequent labors usually keep the pattern of being shorter than each preceding one.
Knowing this made for an anxious pregnancy and countdown to baby’s arrival:
4:00am. Strong contractions woke me. They came every four or five minutes. Waking my family before knowing “this is it” seemed foolish, so I waited around to see if they got longer, stronger, and closer together.
4:35am. Contractions were now every three minutes, the bleeding came, and I was sure. I was also sure I wanted this baby out of me and wasted no time contacting my family and getting ready to leave. Except I could barely move. We’re talking powerful pain. Contractions lasted almost two minutes before the next one hit. So that left about a minute to move—like a snail.
Why did I wait so long?
5:10am. We finally pulled out of the driveway. My husband, determined that I would not have the baby in the car, (safely) ran red lights. I gripped the door handle.
We need green lights, God! And don’t let us crash!
5:19am. My water broke, but we were only halfway there. All the other times when my water broke I was at *eight* centimeters.
We are running behind schedule! We should be at the hospital by now!
5:27am. I tried to will away the urge to push during the last two contractions before we pulled up to the birthing center.
No! No babies born in the car! Please?