In my early years of marriage, I had no idea what my role as a wife entailed. The Bible describes a wife’s role, of course, but the thought of digging in to discover that wisdom never crossed my mind.
Oh, I had the physical jobs down fairly well. I knew I need to make food, keep the house organized, and do the laundry, but I didn’t visualize God wanted much more of me other than praying for my husband. Love him, yes. But the revelation of that hadn’t materialized yet.
See what clouded my view of that revelation was a certain “Honey-Do List.”
My Plan to Work Change in My Husband
One day, I made a list of a half dozen changes I wanted my husband to make, and “found” some verses to go along with my judgments of him. The changes I desired weren’t necessarily bad, but I went about it wrong.
Have you ever made a mental list of changes you wanted your husband to make (or anyone for that matter) and in your heart demanded he make the changes right away? Most would stop there or share with gentle, open communication.
I gave him the list and pretty much demanded he make the changes—soon. Wow, I’m cringing remembering that. Yeah, I’m not proud of that moment.
I took over the role of Holy Spirit; I prayed over him every day, going down my list. With my Bible verses attached. Most of it was a blind attempt to manipulate God into changing my unhappiness.
What’s the Answer?
Then a couple years later, I was still unhappy about some things and wrote him a letter. He always responded how he wanted to make me happy. Hopeful, yet unsatisfied, my eyes were peeled for any missteps on my list. It seemed like we never went past square one.
One night when he was out of town on a trip for work, I felt like I couldn’t take it anymore. My heart wounds sat festering. Desperate pleas to God and two boxes of tissues later, I realized I wanted to threaten him with an ultimatum. Yet I knew that wasn’t right.
But I sincerely wanted the answer. What on earth do I do to change these problems? To change him?
I looked toward the bookshelf to my left. A sliver of hope lighted my tear-stained eyes when I saw a book He seemed to illuminate. It wasn’t a book on marriage exactly, but it seemed to be about living as one with your spouse.
I began to drink in the words with full expectation that the secrets of my husband’s transformation were now at my fingertips. Each day I decided to read a new chapter, but as I absorbed the words on the page my pace slowed. Through the author’s words, the Holy Spirit sliced away at my perceived righteous actions.
The “submission” word surfaced. I tried to keep the magnifying glass away that God had pointed toward me, but the Spirit was relentless. He answered my call for help through dealing with me. I succumbed to His examination. Was my heart turned to my husband in submission the way God designed?
Wait God, I thought I already told you I was working on what I needed to change. Isn’t this about how HE needs to change?
But God wanted to open my eyes to how He designed a wife’s role to her husband to be. The book I was reading didn’t delve into that. God led me to seek out the verses on my own—and then begin to apply them.
God Defines a Wife’s Role
What does the Bible say about the wife’s role to her husband? God has given the wife some directions and wisdom concerning this delicate relationship.
When He led to me find the wife’s role, He showed me that even though love is on the list, I could preface each with the choice to love. Doing this transformed my marriage.
- Ephesians 5:33…respect him
- Colossians 3:18…be submissive
- Titus 2:5…obey him
- 1 Peter 3:1-5…have a gentle and quiet spirit
- Genesis 2:18…be his helper
- Titus 2:4…love him
- 1 Corinthians 7:34…please him
- Proverbs 31:12…do him good
- 1 Corinthians 7:2-5…keep the bedroom hot
- Exodus 20:14…be faithful
Look at each of these as if they were ingredients to your favorite dessert. If you were missing some or even one of the ingredients then your special treat might not taste as delicious!
Look a that list again. Study them out and let them sink in, consistently making them a part of you with God’s help.
When marital problems arise, I must not try to be my husband’s Holy Spirit. It isn’t my job.When marital problems arise, I must not try to be my husband’s Holy Spirit. It isn’t my job. #Thrive #ThrivingInMarriage Click To Tweet When loving comes hard, I make the decision to love in spite of difficulty. #ThrivingInMarriage #BiblicalWife Click To Tweet
My responsibility is to love him. And when loving comes hard, I make the decision to love in spite of difficulty. Then focus on fulfilling my role as a wife as described in Scripture. After almost 17 years of marriage, I’m still growing in it.
Are there any on the list I missed?
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