Do you carry the torch of diligence to obey a God-given dream, but then doubt feeds your need to control its outcome? Here’s some encouragement from Blogger Voices Network Contributor Meghan Weyerbacher on how to delete that doubt. And bloggers, please linkup a post with your wonderful words at the end!
When I first began blogging full time, the zeal of walking in obedience to a God-given dream took me by storm. I dove headfirst and rarely came up for air. My focus began to look a whole lot like perfecting skills better and a lot less like a team job (me + God).
Parts of my story mirror that of a woman climbing the corporate ladder. I’d work to the bone and just gnaw on my arm when I got hungry. Okay maybe it wasn’t that extreme, but inside it felt this way.
During this workaholic phase, my trust in God’s provision and guidance began to dwindle. Trading truth-filled hope for “How to’s,” invaded my mind space and set up camp.
I thought I had to do it all. I sure was trying. What was there left for God to help me with? I hadn’t reached out much. No wonder I felt lonely and flat.
I Can’t Deal with Doubt Anymore
My spiritual thirst finally woke me up and I just couldn’t deal anymore. I grew weary of seeking platform perfection when it was obvious my relationship with my Maker was suffering.
One day as I was pondering on the Lord’s prayer, I had one of those moments where you feel flicked in the forehead, awoken with a sting. A good kind of sting if there ever was one.
We had just said our nightly prayers one evening but I lingered longer, smoothing the cotton over before standing up to shut out the lights. Do I even realize what I am asking? Do I even realize God IS providing?
The words, “…give us this day our daily bread,” proved God knew our needs and was meeting them. The food that found its way to our plates each day was not simply by our own doing. I was humbled.
If I knew he was capable of such things, why was I having trouble trusting him with the bookish dream he planted within me? Would he not supply daily words? Would he not bless my efforts?
Caution: Doubt grows when fed.
During the workaholic phase, my thoughts and habits became worry and control masked in diligence.
• Yes, God you supply the bread.
• Yes, God you are watching over us.
• Yes, God you will come through for my hurting friend.
• Yes, God you will help me to do this thing you have set before me – this calling…or, will you?
I carried that torch throughout my nights. Lying under my blankets over-analyzing my life, the doubts I’d been having about God being in my heart’s dreams, fed the next morning’s need for control. I’d tell myself I’d trust God this time, but I’d sit right back down in the same cycle as the day before.
When we just can’t take it anymore, when we’re done trying to fight our way to the top of all the good things we’ve been promised – we really can rest easy. It’s hard to believe, I know.
In a world that runs at breakneck speed, we can start to think we’re doing some holy mental exercise by trying to control the vision at every angle.
God’s given us this dream and it becomes so easy to cave to doubt over the long haul. We chomp at the bit and feel lazy if we aren’t doing something to help our life look like the promise.
But God knows us and knows where we sit or stand. He knows where we’ve come from and where we are going. He wants us to surrender the control to him. He’s got this. He’s got us.
So be content with who you are, and don’t put on airs. God’s strong hand is on you; he’ll promote you at the right time. Live carefree before God; he is most careful with you. 1 Peter 5:7 The Message
Another version says to, “…cast your cares.” Beth Moore says, “The surrender comes in the casting.” We have permission to fling those sneaky little doubt boogers onto God and remind him we need him to be in control of our lives. Not for his memory’s sake. For ours.
As we release all the striving, worry, doubt, and fear – we are saying, “I trust you to take care of things, because I can’t do it all.”
There is only one true God and we are not him!
I’ve tried to fight these battles on my own plenty of times, friends, and every time I’ve lost.
Have you been here too?
If you have a legal pad or sticky note, write this down: I am not alone to fend for myself. I have a Provider. I have a Guide. I have a Dream Weaver. I am not in control, but I worship a God who IS.
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