Catch up with Part 1 here.
My Story (continued)
My tormented soul couldn’t take it anymore. I decided I was through with God. The peace I once had in my heart, mind and soul was suddenly gone completely! After that I lived with a dread that I was going to die without following Jesus. One night around midnight on my way home from work, I crested a hill nearly crashing head on into a car that was driving on the wrong side of the road. She stopped just inches from my front bumper. I had walked out from under God’s protection, but I had a praying mother that kept me alive.
At my job there was this unsaved guy that I had my eye on, but knew I wasn’t allowed to touch. I began a relationship with him anyway; my mom was on her second 40 day fast. I lied to my parents and met my unsaved friends in a club in DC to surprise my boyfriend. On the way the guy who was driving me got lost…in a bad part of the city. We were both scared, but he didn’t know that I was begging God not to let anything bad happen to me. I found out later that club was the worst in the city. The police were just leaving when we drove up. When it was time to go home, my friends asked me if I was going to go home with my boyfriend for the night. I said no, but in my heart I was still defiled by a spirit of lust.
One day Mom brought a children’s book home to read to me. I don’t remember the name of it, but in the story the kid kept explaining different scenarios and asking the parent, “would you still love me if I messed up?” By the end of the little book we were both crying. My mom said, “Even if you never came back to God, I would still love you. Even if you married this guy, I would still love you. Even if you didn’t love me, I would still love you. And God would still love you, too.”
It was the most gentle healing I have ever experienced. She did not lecture me or try to convince me that I was wrong; she just loved. God knew I needed to comprehend that He does not force me to love Him, but would still love me if I rejected Him. For the first time I understood selfless love.
I knew I was wrong all along, and I knew I had to come back to God. The next day was a Sunday, and sure enough my dad gave an altar call. And I came. My mother’s praying and fasting enabled my deliverance to take place.
In the years that followed, I decided to look at my own heart and let God fix the anger, lust, hurt, and hypocrisy that I had hidden from others. Through more healing my destiny became very clear. I saw Justin in a new light when I learned that love is a choice. I wrote a song called “Reconciled,” (which I’ll probably share with you one day) and we reunited through the power of forgiveness. I fell in love with him again and we got married. The first years weren’t perfect. God gave me a man that would not put up with my prideful, independent nature. Eventually I learned to submit to my husband’s headship as I allowed God to transform me. In our near 10 years of marriage thus far, God shows me more and more that He truly did hand-pick my man for me. Innumerable times God has shown me that He loves me even when I mess up, but this prodigal will always stay home.