Have you ever endured a season that caused you to suffer a loss in life? Not necessarily of a loved one, although that is applicable, but perhaps you have experienced a lengthy season of difficult circumstances? Examples such as recovering from an accident, being a caregiver, or being laid off can cause us to undergo what I call a “loss in life.” During that type of season you may have missed some important events, had your finances negatively impacted, or were unable to spend time with loved ones.
I’ve had a “loss in life” many times, and I have seen it affect my relationship with God.
Almost a year ago I was driving down the road, worship music playing, dressed nice, makeup on, hair done, and wearing a pleasant expression. If anyone in the next lane looked my way it would have appeared that nothing was wrong, but on the inside my heart was in turmoil. I tried to engage my heart in worship, but God felt…distant.
My thoughts flashed back to a season I experienced as a very young adult when it was early in my full pursuit of Him, and He wooed me with His sweet presence. It was so gentle. He would answer me immediately on any question I wondered. His presence would meet me strongly at the very first minute of calling His name. I felt Him. I reveled in His goodness.
I called it the Honeymoon Phase. (This was before I was married, but from what I had observed in newly married couples, the honeymoon phase was at the beginning of the marriage. After that, the gushiness faded.)
In the same way, I noticed changes near the end of that phase. God wasn’t being fickle; I didn’t understand it at the time, but God wanted me to grow in Him. I saw that He would wait longer to answer my questions, instead teaching me to choose to trust Him. I would spend time seeking Him in worship, but began to feel His presence less strongly. I was growing in more knowledge of Him, and sinning less frequently. Walking in faith strengthened me.
As I drove in my van that day about a year ago, my heart began longing for that kind of season again. It had been months since I had felt Him, or received an immediate response to my inquiries.
My worship became a cry, “God, why can’t we just go back to a ‘honeymoon’ season?”
“Because you’re not ready yet,” He replied gently.
My heart sunk, but I knew He was right. I had run. Our relationship had suffered, and it was my fault.
He brought to mind a case of adultery between a husband and wife I had heard about, and were eventually healed and reunited. A beautiful, yet raw story of how God can bring change. Before the reconciliation, there was a period of time when healing was needed.
God showed me that I wasn’t ready because healing was needed. I had experienced loss in life because of an extended time of poor health. The ability to do what I needed, and wanted to do in life was taken away from me because of physical sickness that I had endured for months.
You’re not ready yet… The phrase swirled around and around in my head.
Offerings have to be received. My offerings hadn’t been received because of my heart wasn’t in the right place. Yet I blamed Him, and had resentment toward Him for allowing my loss. I needed my heart to be healed. I had to recognize my need for healing, repent, and then come back.
Stay tuned for Part 2 where I share how I received the healing I so desperately needed. What has been a “loss in life” that you have or are currently experiencing?
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