Losing Composure

Break on Through_jdbWords can’t describe the moments I experienced with the Father tonight. He stripped me of all impure motives. A deceitful heart, desperately wicked. He knew it.

Oh, God! How could I have let it get this way?? 


He restores my soul! His rod and now His staff. It does comfort me. He restores my soul.

9:47 pm. It’s late; I need to go to bed. More, Lord! I need a breakthrough.


10:22 pm. My heart did turn violently inside of my chest. My muscles inside were hurting. I was crying so hard and flexing my muscles so tightly as if it would help Him know how deeply I wanted Him.

“You gotta lose your composure,” was echoing in my ears. My memory serves me well. I was a young teenager and a new, stiff worship leader. God would begin to move in the service during the worship and some others were relaxed enough to have real emotion overcome them while standing in the midst of the congregation. I was afraid. Afraid someone would see a tear fall down my face, or even a steady stream and my nose became red. I worried that I wouldn’t look perfect if I wasn’t standing just so or if my makeup wasn’t right. I didn’t want to get caught up with His presence and “forget about myself, concentrate on Him and worship Him.”

One day my mom shared life-giving words to me. They were life-giving because I received them and was teachable at that moment.

“The Lord wants you to let go of your composure and stiffness. Give everything you’ve got when you’re singing. Put everything into the song and let others see that. If God wants you to cry, the let Him do that with you. Others will be blessed when you let go. You have the anointing, the training, the voice; you have all the ingredients except you are not taking your calling by force.”

10:26 pm. Can I lose my composure now with only the inanimate objects of the room for company?

OH HOW HE LOVES US… He was here!

10:34 pm. Tears…but for different reasons. Breakthrough!

10:49 pm. I had my breakthrough, I was receiving His love, being restored.

11:01 pm. Really late now. I don’t care! This is the God I fell in love with and I don’t wanna stop!


Friends, can we lose our composure in our times with Him? In a room alone? In front of family? At church with others watching?

Photo © justindbaker. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

If you can’t see the video in your Reader or email click here.

15 thoughts on “Losing Composure

  1. It’s been too long since I have really let go of everything during worship. In those times, the Lord speaks so clearly to me, He shows me visions of His wonder and beauty. I can’t use the excuse of becoming a mom and tending to the kids in a service because I should be having that worship time one on one at home alone.
    Thank you Holy Spirit for the conviction and reminder that instead of complaining, worrying, doubting, all I need is to hide away under the wing of my Almighty Father. Everything I need is in Your presence.
    Lover of my soul, Jesus, I will seek you, love you, deeper.

    • I completely understand how you feel. The Lord has told me several times to have my worship time at home in front of the kids, but I haven’t always been obedient to that. They can be pretty distracting and there’s nothing like frustration to help lose the moment. We are in process, though. I am rejoicing at your prayer to Him, and I pray that your times in His presence are incredibly blessed and without composure. 🙂

  2. I was reading this post in my Google reader. Which didn’t have the video embedded. i kept hearing the Jesus Culture version in my head! Ha!

    Letting go and yielding to the spirit of God is awesome. We have to forget others, and focus on entering in to Him. Hard to do. But when one finally tastes of the goodness of God during worship. They never worship the same way again!

    Jesus changes us. Forever.

    God bless!

    • Thanks for sharing. It is awesome. I imagine it’s a fraction of a taste of what being before His throne in Heaven is like.

      Thanks for the heads up about the video! I’ll try to fix that.

  3. Letting go is one of the most difficult lessons God has ever taught me. And it was not until I had nothing left in me that I learned that lesson. Thank you for sharing. Great testimony about God and His love for us.

  4. It’s so hard for me to let go during a worship service, and yet at home I can!! I’m working on letting go so our girls can see that it’s okay to lose yourself in worship. Great post!

    • Thanks! What a wonderful example you are setting for them! The seeds that are planted there will grow to fruition. During church is a different dynamic. I hope more and more the Body of Christ will really press in together corporately to see His glory enter.

  5. I can relate to this post. One of the biggest struggles I have.. losing composure truly worshiping God in church. I can almost hear Him say.. Come on! I know you, I see you worship at home! Don’t be ashamed of Me!… yet I hold back. When eyes are watching, I hold back. I long for a much needed break through with my worship.

    Thank you for this post.. challenging.. and encouraging.

    • Ah, yes…the struggle. I have thought, “But, Lord, I’m probably going to lose some cool factor with some friends over this.” Then I would ask myself what I wanted more. I have learned if I allowed myself to think about it too long I would choose the wrong thing. Sometimes my pride has gotten in the way. The times when I pushed everything but my Father out of my head, I have never regretted it. I pray you experience your breakthrough soon.

  6. Beautiful. Too often I grasp onto my composure in front of others for the sake of not wanting to break down, same reasons as you – tears pouring, nose red, fearing not being able to stop, fearing being completely broken and humbled before his throne. This has been very challenging, thank you.

  7. Pingback: When God Feels Far Away While Worshipping | KellyRBaker

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