My Story (Part 2 of 2)

Catch up with Part 1 here.

My Story (continued)


Photo credit: Justin Baker

My tormented soul couldn’t take it anymore.  I decided I was through with God.  The peace I once had in my heart, mind and soul was suddenly gone completely!  After that I lived with a dread that I was going to die without following Jesus.  One night around midnight on my way home from work, I crested a hill nearly crashing head on into a car that was driving on the wrong side of the road. She stopped just inches from my front bumper.  I had walked out from under God’s protection, but I had a praying mother that kept me alive.

At my job there was this unsaved guy that I had my eye on, but knew I wasn’t allowed to touch.  I began a relationship with him anyway; my mom was on her second 40 day fast. I lied to my parents and met my unsaved friends in a club in DC to surprise my boyfriend. On the way the guy who was driving me got lost…in a bad part of the city. We were both scared, but he didn’t know that I was begging God not to let anything bad happen to me. I found out later that club was the worst in the city. The police were just leaving when we drove up. When it was time to go home, my friends asked me if I was going to go home with my boyfriend for the night. I said no, but in my heart I was still defiled by a spirit of lust.

One day Mom brought a children’s book home to read to me.  I don’t remember the name of it, but in the story the kid kept explaining different scenarios and asking the parent, “would you still love me if I messed up?”  By the end of the little book we were both crying.  My mom said, “Even if you never came back to God, I would still love you. Even if you married this guy, I would still love you.  Even if you didn’t love me, I would still love you. And God would still love you, too.”

It was the most gentle healing I have ever experienced. She did not lecture me or try to convince me that I was wrong; she just loved. God knew I needed to comprehend that He does not force me to love Him, but would still love me if I rejected Him. For the first time I understood selfless love.

I knew I was wrong all along, and I knew I had to come back to God.  The next day was a Sunday, and sure enough my dad gave an altar call.  And I came.  My mother’s praying and fasting enabled my deliverance to take place.

In the years that followed, I decided to look at my own heart and let God fix the anger, lust, hurt, and hypocrisy that I had hidden from others.  Through more healing my destiny became very clear.  I saw Justin in a new light when I learned that love is a choice. I wrote a song called “Reconciled,” (which I’ll probably share with you one day) and we reunited through the power of forgiveness.  I fell in love with him again and we got married.  The first years weren’t perfect. God gave me a man that would not put up with my prideful, independent nature. Eventually I learned to submit to my husband’s headship as I allowed God to transform me.  In our near 10 years of marriage thus far, God shows me more and more that He truly did hand-pick my man for me.  Innumerable times God has shown me that He loves me even when I mess up, but this prodigal will always stay home.

7 thoughts on “My Story (Part 2 of 2)

  1. It must have taken real courage to write all of this. When God works in our hearts, He changes even what we are proud of. Holding pride inside, boasting of ourselves, no. But, to be able to boast of what God has done for us and to us, whole different scenario. Thanks for all of your insights. They have really helped me a lot.

    • Sometimes I stop and think about where I would be today if I had continued down that road. My life would be very different and I would have been very sorry for the choices I made. Thank God for what He did!

  2. Thanks for sharing your story — I love how the simplicity of a child’s story brought you back to your destiny. Sounds like you’re part of a great ministry!

  3. Well, I have read this again, and maybe this is how this mother should be with her son. Two things. Let him know that God always loves Him as I always love Him. And tell him I am fasting for him. I don’t think I have thought of that. This made me cry again. How great is our God. Am glad you came back and married Justin. He is great, neat, and terribly funny. My son turns 40 on Friday. Is sick and doesn’t sleep much. He definitely needs a turn-around.

  4. Kelly… your story affected me so much this second time around, I felt that the Lord was directing me to fast as Pastor Brenda did, for my son. I do not always feel that my son sees Jesus in me, so I have a hard time to relate to him to show him what Jesus desires for him and how He loves Jay. So my fast…40 days, one day for each day of his life, beginning with his birthday on Friday. I am asking God to reveal Himself to Jay in many ways and that Jay can recognize them, that he see Jesus’s love even when times are hard, and that Holy Spirit guides him and shows/reveals Jay’s purpose and gives him a vision for his life. Please keep me in your prayers that the devil cannot divide us nor keep us from having a great day tomorrow (Thursday) for lunch as I reveal to him my plan for fasting. I love your family so much and declare to others how loving and wonderful you are to each other and others around you. Thanks for being such a good influence on my life and the many others that even just read this and have never met you. I am honored to call you my friend.

    • I’m so amazed at how God is using this testimony. I will be praying for you and for your son. Do not get discouraged no matter what it looks like. God will still be working in his heart. Love you sweet friend!

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